Is Truth Relative?

Boundaries

Forgiving

Conversation about Sexual Identity

Suffering, Grief and Pain

"I have this friend that is just the greatest. She loves me for who I am, and there are times I think she knows what I feel and think, even before I feel or think it. I really have never known anyone like her, but something happened that I am not exactly sure of.

We were spending the night together and I was really feeling tremendous love and acceptance from her. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew we were kissing…and well, you know what happened… we had sex! It felt natural, intense, satisfying - sort of… Well, am I gay, lesbian? "

What Defines Me
My experiences do not define my identity. I have been skiing, but I am far from being a skier. Just because you have had an experience with a female does not mean you are gay/lesbian. That was an experience, a behavior, something that you did, not who you are.

The truth is that what I believe about myself will affect my behavior, but is that who I really am? Or, am I trying to be a certain way in order to become someone? "But it felt so natural and real, and I responded… doesn't that prove that I am gay?"

I Didn't Always Think I Was
"I didn't always think I was lesbian, but it seems that the ones that really show interest and respond to me are usually women." What dictates the course of your life? Experiences? Feelings? Opinions of Others?

The Risk of Relationships
In the process of discovering and growing emotionally and eventually sexually, we start by interacting with both sexes and then we divide into same sex peer groups. We pick role models and imitate women we admire. As our physical sexuality starts to develop, a close relationship with a female can cross into intimacy and foster an experience. Society says this is ok. But you do not want to share this experience with everyone because you still have shame about it. (After a while the shame can become dull as you cut yourself off from those who would object and as you repeat the behavior.)

"But boys/men don't seem interested. They are hard to understand, they scare me." The desire for intimacy that is in all of us pushes us to interact with the opposite sex. If we satisfy the need for companionship, comfort and intimacy with the same sex, (seems safer), we have no need, and therefore no desire or drive to take the risks of rejection and the discomfort of feeling self-conscious with the opposite sex. We fail to mature.

Having an experience with a woman that was pleasurable does not mean you can not have the same feelings for a guy. It means you have not let yourself mature to the place of exploring those feelings. You do not look for food if you are not hungry! The longer you wait to cross over to interacting with the opposite sex, the more unnatural it seems and uncomfortable feels. The more you engage in same sex behavior the more comfortable it becomes.

Stunted or Growing
Like an addict, your sexual growth and maturity is stunted and remains near the age you stopped learning. It will become even harder as you get older and mature in your career and other aspects of your life. Do not get caught in the lie that you can have a sexual choice now and learn to relate to guys later when you are ready to get married and have children. That will be harder later. This choice will begin to affect you as a whole person: body, soul and spirit.

The longer you live a lie, the harder it is to admit to yourself or anyone else that it isn't true. What lie? That behavior determines identity.

Ask the Hard Questions
1. Where do I want to be in my life in 5 and then 10 years from now?
2. Are these healthy and realistic dreams?
3. Are my choices now going to lead me toward or away from my dreams?
4. If this is right and natural and good, why am I looking for validation and affirmation outside of the relationship?
5. Does this have the pure innocence of "This is great! I can't wait to tell everyone," or "Why not?"

Sexual Relationships are a Choice Not a Destiny
You are who you are not because of what you choose to do, or because of who you have bonded with, or whatever someone says about you, or even what you think about yourself. You are who God says you are. Know Him and you will know your identity. Jesus loves you.