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Notes to a New Widow from a Recent One

Dar One,

My heart is broken for you and the children at the sudden passing of your beloved. Rest in the comfort of the Holy Spirit as He carries you these next days and weeks.

Sweet Lady,

To say I know what you are going through is only partially true. Every grief is very private and unique because you and your beloved and your love for one another is one of a kind. There are similarities; however, Tom and I had time to prepare for his leaving over months and then 8 days once dialysis was stopped (by his and the Lord’s direction), your vital and active husband’s sickness was short and his death sudden. The word is SHOCK! By this time, the reality of your separation is dawning but is invaded with many things that must be done, as well as people to console and comfort as they share their genuine grief. Breathe, slowly take in the Breath of God, and let out the ‘whys or what if's. Those answers are not attainable now but in time or probably eternity, it will all make sense. Know there is no formula for grief, and it is best not to analyze it; just ride the waves. They come as a gentle ripple or a tsunami at times, but you will come to shore tousled and wet with tears maybe, but nevertheless, standing in His light and warmth.


I rejoice that the Lord is carrying the heavy burdens of life once shared with your husband, it can feel completely overwhelming as the pressure for answers pile on to the already overflowing plate of responsibilities. The Lord will do more than carry you, the Holy Spirit will empower you and give you wisdom. Breathe the Holy Spirit in, He has this. Pace yourself and rest when you can.

Dear Friend,

Today is a time of reflection on all he meant to so many. I pray you will know the peace and arms of the Lord’s comfort. I recall His presence so real that it was as if I glimpsed the joy that Tom was experiencing. That is my prayer for you as you greet and meet friends at different stages of shock and grief.

As you wake this morning and begin the first step into a new normal, give yourself time to adjust. You have one foot in the old and one in the new. It is the right place; all adjustments do not have to happen overnight. There is no right way to do this new identity, there is only your and Jesus’s way.

Another week has passed, and you are now facing the first full week of your new normal, I pray you sense the truth that you are not alone even when there is not another person around. I often have other voices on in the house (music, tv, etc.) just to break the ‘sound of silence'. Thinking you hear someone when there is no one there is really a memory. This will change and become less frequent in time. The Lord is more than enough, but we all need a touch of a hug and an arm around our shoulder, thank God for carrying friends and the Church. Bless you, sister.

Thinking of you as the quiet takes over from the hum of activity and many people. The service was lovely, and it is obvious that you were in and surrounded by the Holy Spirit. Your Husband, The Lord, will provide wisdom and direction as you walk through all the decisions of the immediate and the support of the future ‘what if's and possibilities. Let your mind stay on the things above and the temporal will come in line with His plans. The many counselors can press us to do what they believe is best, but each needs to be taken to your Husband Jesus and He will confirm or redirect. Love you, sister.

This picture is a lesson of grief and renewal. You sent this plant to Tom’s funeral. I knew it needed to be planted or it would not thrive. So, when I landscaped the front yard, I had them plant it in a small bed around the oak tree. Life goes on! As you know we had a hard freeze this winter and I did not think it had survived. Much like the cold reality of a new normal of alone and single. My landscaper cut away the dead leaves and said let it rest and we will see if it is still alive. This picture demonstrates that it is not only alive, but also broadcasting the life God put in it. I love this delicate pure white bloom.

If we wait on the Lord, He makes all things new and beautiful. He is working ‘underground’ when we cannot see, and in the fullness of His time Life comes forth. God bless your journey with Him.

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